Taking Stock of 2023.

Well it is almost that time of the year again! As another year comes towards a close, and we look forward to a new year. I really wanted to reflect on my past year. I haven’t written much the past year.

Truthfully I have been so happy, this year it’s actually genuinely surprised me. If you told me back in 2021/2022 I would be happy again, I would of not taken you seriously at all. I was struggling a lot back then. A horrendous learning how to be single and date again. Which was crazy difficult after major trauma and with major anxiety.

The start of 2023, saw me shoot my shot. I picked up the courage to pursue a crush, I had for a very long time. Oh it paid off. An unofficial date, speaking over coffee before a movie, the first time we ever had a full conversation, I had butterflies. It felt weird, it was a new feeling I had never felt before. But the excitement and nerves for our first date, or the fact on our second date we ended up sitting in a coffee shop talking until closing. I knew then. But also the fact I feel the same way every date we do.

This year I went on many dates which I did not have to force, or beg for. I had my first couples holiday, where we both wanted to be there and enjoy it. I was spoilt for my birthday, for the first time in 8 years. Our mini breaks which are some of my favourite memories even if it was Manchester twice! ;P

I did struggle a little, dating as a single mum. It’s so hard! But this year we’ve slowly made ‘family’ memories. An aquarium trip, a trip to the car museum, family meals, a cinema trip, a trip to Puxton Park. My heart is always so full, when I witness these. Jackson adores him, I love that I have no worries in that department at all.

This year has made me more confident, but importantly more happier and certainly sickingly in love.

I’m so ready for 2024. The memories to come that I know about, for example my damn 30th birthday, but even the memories I don’t know about in advance. Our first abroad holiday, our first public holidays, valentines etc, but also our 1 year anniversary.

All the hope to another great year, and another very positive end of year post next year.

~RebeccaKLxo

REvisiting as I enter my last year in the 20’s…

Past Post: Before 30 Bucket list.

As I am now officially 29, I thought I’d look back and see what I have achieved on my Before 30 bucket list. Also see what will not be achieved, as well as what to celebrate!

Well sort of a few more achievements than I realised. I attended my first festival, Slam Dunk, after it was delayed 3 times because of the pandemic. I visited 3 countries, America, Australia and Cyprus. I travelled alone to Cyprus, I took Jackson to Australia. I have completed travelling alone and with my son! I’ve made a decent start to a future house deposit fund. Steadily creating my body I am comfortable in, through the art of tattoos.

Other goals didn’t exactly go to plan, which turned out to be a blessing. I’m far too traumatised to even think about anything long term future goals. Although I know, within time with the right person, I can safely build on these bigger goals. There is absolutely no rush!.

My therapist believes I should also celebrate the biggest turning point, which I think my family and friends would agree. I have broken the horrendous narcissistic toxic cycle of a highly fake relationship, which brought me to the lowest I have ever been. Within the year I am building myself back up! And everything going forward, will be to better myself, and bring me my goals, my happiness, and make me a much better mum and partner.

The original blog post about my before 30 list, is linked at the start of this post! I have also very much missed writing, and really should over the next year continue to post, ultra niche but personal blog posts that make me happy!

Thank you for reading!

~RebeccaKLxo

Saw: Escape Experience: London

-PR event-

Check the official Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts for further information and

announcements: @SawExperience

So Tuesday evening (21st March 2023) I dragged my younger siblings along to a day trip to London. I am a complete horror nerd! Like it’s my whole personality basically. It’ll be safe to assume that the saw franchise is one of my comfort movies. I am that committed that when Jigsaw was released in October 2017, on my son’s due date. I was heavily pregnant in that screening.

I actually thought I would try my luck at emailing the company, when I saw details of a saw themed escape room, because this I really truly had to see. Much to my surprise and it made my day, the PR team got back to me and invited me to come and try out the experience.

Before I go into detail about my experience, I want to tell you about the experience itself. It is centrally located on America Square, a few minutes walk from tower hill station. There’s also a cheeky Wetherspoons around the corner called The Liberty Bounds. The entrance to the experience is pretty well hidden, but is highlighted by some cool graffiti. The experience requires booking in advance, and costs £39 per person. All information is available at: sawtheexperience.com. It recreates iconic saw sets, and of course using Tobin Bell’s voice, which actually gave me chills.

‘Make your choices. Live with the consequences.’

To say I was absolutely buzzing with excitement, is an understatement! It’s a very social and interactive evening activity! The story running through is great and very on brand! The sets recreated really does make it all feel so real! Also compared to most other escape room experiences, this is so uniquely done, where you kind of need to return, to test the different routes! As a big fan, I was not disappointed at all. A great chance to test your moral decision making. And for if you survive Jigsaw’s traps, you can chill out and admire the billy puppet, in The Traproom Bar. Where there is themed cocktails and mocktails. These are delicious! Where you can view your entrance photos, and buy some very cool merch! I got a cool t-shirt, a saw pin badge and a billy puppet ornament. There really is limited for what I can share, without ruining the experience for you! But I do highly recommend it!

Here’s my fave photos from the evening!

I hate that this is so late! because life unfortunately got in the way! But if you are a fan and want to check it out, be quick! All good things must come to an end! Saturday 4th November is the last chance! Especially with the recent release of Saw X, I recommend a quick visit! See more information through this link!

@RebeccaKLxo

Out of the box thinking, but grateful.

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Memories evolving & connecting.

I fully believe after the last few weeks, where I’ve endured similar bad dreams, nearly ever other night! My mind has found a new way to traumatise me!

If there’s a way for memories to trauma bind together, I fully believe that is what is happening to my memories it finds a similar memory and bonds causing a bigger impact on my mind.

Issues with this is, I’ve gone through more bad experiences than most! So it actually probably fills 80% of my mind anyway!

The most recent bond, is a memory from when I was SA’d at 12, and being used last month for personal gratification. Because you can argue that both instances are being used for gratification, they’re bonding together.

Other bonded memory, is the past physically abusive relationship, and a recent mental, narcissistic abusive relationship. Because this spans 10 years of my life.

I have a very slim hope, that things are starting to look up for me. In the mean time I’ll keep on surviving and healing.

💚💖RebeccaKLxo

Going into 2023…

What a roller-coaster of a year 2022 was. It brought some amazing memories, from spending 5 weeks in Melbourne, Australia (May – July), to starting a decent contracted job (July). Finding the strength to leave a toxic relationship and running my little flat alone. Surviving my first single Christmas in 9 years, as well as surviving a double chest infection, the week before Christmas. Deciding to go back to studying, while working.

2023 is going to be the start of the rest of my life. I’m going to actively get myself out of debt. As well as sitting down and creating saving plans, for a variety of occasions, i.e. house deposits, holiday funds, emergency/saving funds. These will be a lot more effective after getting out of debt. Each of these plans are 4 years long. So when I take stock of where I am in 5 years’ time. I suppose this is because of my huge feeling of failure, I’ve had wasting my 20’s as 2023 will be my last year as I turn 29 in October (2023).

I will be building a 5 year mood board, so I can stay inspired and on track.

Dating went badly, I am far too traumatized. But I am happy coming to terms with forever being single, and making a fun and comfortable life for me and my son. It turns out you can be treated badly for years, but still try to hold on to the dream life.

Just a few small words from my thoughts as we go into the new year!

Instagram: RebeccaKLxo

Did I just produced and starred in my own horror?

I am not sure whether it’s a blessing or not, being able to vividly remember what happens in dreams/nightmares.

This is about the one I had last night. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare though. I watch way too many horror films for fun, to get nightmares.

And I believe this is why my mind has started producing these mini ones in my head. I have no idea if it’s based on a film, if you read it and it sounds familiar please do let me know! I’m kinda intrigued.

Starts off being pretty simple me and a group of friends, walking back through a parking lot, pretty vague I know. This is after exploring halls of a basement/cave type of environment with tunnels, seeing a girl trapped in the tunnel. But then cuts to me being in a library, a dark creepy library with cages and cages of books. I wasn’t able to do something with some books, so asked the librarian. And she gave me a thing of keys and key fobs, and sent me to get a shallow tray, from near where we explored. Weird I know cause there was no librarian with us when we explored first.

If your still with me, it gets weirder… so I go through the door in search of a shallow book tray, I come across the same trapped girl and let her free, then find the tray and leave the tunnels. Again no librarian insight.

Then it becomes like an it follows type of thing with people following me, and then crowds me and then the trapped feeling and blacks out. Come around in a sleep paralysis type of consciousness, faced with the same librarian mad I freed the girl, and see snippets of these doll legs, reminiscent of a cabbage patch doll. During in and out of blackouts, then coming through in a weird consciousness where my sight and brain is like in tack, but I can’t move, can’t speak, and seemingly turned into a doll.

I’m sure if anyone else had that it’d be a nightmare but I’m just sat here thinking what the hell did I just dream? Hence the title of this post.

~RebeccaKLxo

Smile: Film review

You should know me by now… if there’s a horror film coming out. I am totally on that bandwagon. Last week was Jeepers Creepers: Reborn. But this week was Smile. I will try to write this review with no spoilers, but I can’t make any promises.

Firstly, I saw the trailer to this on multiple adverts for films, as well as YouTube and Facebook ads. I was intrigued by the premise of a smile, being used in a psychological horror. Though I felt like the trailer didn’t give much away. I also saw a variety of good reviews from press, and some people saying it’s not what you expect, coupled with an 18 age rating.

With nods to It Follows, this film is visually stunning. In my opinion one of the best horror films of 2022. Certainly a great depiction of mental health since Lights Out. A great cinematic production exploring, mental health, trauma, guilt and fear. Jump scares which rely on sound are placed perfectly throughout the film, with a few distressing scenes.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. And that’s a wrap on my short film review 🙂 If you enjoyed it, I will write another for the next film.

~RebeccaKLxo

When one door closes…

Another one opens… I do hope so!

Having the most horrendous mental come down, and officially dealing with it alone, I have come to the decision, to put my effort the last 10 years into something else.

This is to build and grow my own happiness. To protect myself.

When I started my journey I set out to do one thing, speak up break the stigma. However with no support received, and only needing to reach one person. Which I did. And that’s all that matters right.

What’s coming next? I have no idea. But I’m going to open the next adventure with open arms.

How exciting, isn’t it exciting.

~RebeccaKLxo