Did I just produced and starred in my own horror?

I am not sure whether it’s a blessing or not, being able to vividly remember what happens in dreams/nightmares.

This is about the one I had last night. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare though. I watch way too many horror films for fun, to get nightmares.

And I believe this is why my mind has started producing these mini ones in my head. I have no idea if it’s based on a film, if you read it and it sounds familiar please do let me know! I’m kinda intrigued.

Starts off being pretty simple me and a group of friends, walking back through a parking lot, pretty vague I know. This is after exploring halls of a basement/cave type of environment with tunnels, seeing a girl trapped in the tunnel. But then cuts to me being in a library, a dark creepy library with cages and cages of books. I wasn’t able to do something with some books, so asked the librarian. And she gave me a thing of keys and key fobs, and sent me to get a shallow tray, from near where we explored. Weird I know cause there was no librarian with us when we explored first.

If your still with me, it gets weirder… so I go through the door in search of a shallow book tray, I come across the same trapped girl and let her free, then find the tray and leave the tunnels. Again no librarian insight.

Then it becomes like an it follows type of thing with people following me, and then crowds me and then the trapped feeling and blacks out. Come around in a sleep paralysis type of consciousness, faced with the same librarian mad I freed the girl, and see snippets of these doll legs, reminiscent of a cabbage patch doll. During in and out of blackouts, then coming through in a weird consciousness where my sight and brain is like in tack, but I can’t move, can’t speak, and seemingly turned into a doll.

I’m sure if anyone else had that it’d be a nightmare but I’m just sat here thinking what the hell did I just dream? Hence the title of this post.

~RebeccaKLxo

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Birth of Chasing Becky.

As I have spent 2021, learning a hell of a lot about body confidence and positivity. And I am much more happier in my body, I’ve chosen to make one of my 2022 goals to build a specific style/fashion blog. Hoping to inspire others to enjoy life and style, no matter your body. My journey has been a rollercoaster but given my most recent photo, I’ve shared below, I am so much happier. (PS, yes that’s my cardboard cutout of Jon Hamm in the background).

Self Love – Being content with their self and well-being.

I will also be of course continuing to build this lifestyle blog. And hoping for a lot more regular posts and check ins, however I have no idea where 2022 is going to take me. Because the first few mo this will continue to be tough, I have not set any New Years resolutions. However I have a few goals in my head I hope to achieve this coming year. (I’ll put these in a separate post for the new year).

But in the mean time, please support my second venture, Chasing Becky. Also on Instagram at Chasingbecky.

Thank you all and I do hope everyone has a lovely 2022. We wish you all well.

~RebeccaKLxo

men, please do better…

‘Men are certainly the problem.’

This literally happened at 7:45pm last night. And I was so taken aback and uncomfortable, I literally lost my train of thought while I was speaking to my flatmate, who was just as uncomfortable by this incident as I was. I really hope if any men read this, it will be a bit of food for thought, maybe even educate themselves.

I as a 27 year old women, didn’t think I would still get unsolicited advice from a creepy middle aged white male while on the local bus service. Especially during this day and age, you wouldn’t see two men giving unsolicited advice about their body parts. Yet here I am writing this.

I was sat on the bus talking about my tattoos to my flatmate on our way into town. Just between me and her, we was talking about my chest tattoo and clothing. Then while I was in mid sentence, the bloke in question chimed in with, ‘flaunt what you got’ clearly referencing my chest.

I was so uncomfortable, we immediately got off on our stop, and I zipped up my leather jacket. I wasn’t even wearing anything revealing or sexy. Just a blue long sleeved top with a square neckline. It is not okay to but into a conversation that didn’t concern you, and make any comments about a women’s body.

This is a short account, that I wanted to share as it really made me uncomfortable and I feel like I need to call it out. It’s sad that we are in 2021, and this is still thought to be okay.

~RebeccaKLxo

Pageant&Anxiety: a real struggle.

Pageantry is my only and main hobby. I absolutely love it. However it’s not a simple and peaceful union for this individual. Unfortunately as much as I wish it didn’t mental health pays a huge role in my life, and it’s always the devilish role.

It’s really not a good thing, if you can’t think of a positive notion mental health has added to your life. Could that be a reason as to why mental health is so stigmatised, because it is known to be a negative notion. What isn’t great for myself personally is the link that my mental health has on my hobby.

The irony of the shy introverted girl who loves the pageant stage, even if it doesn’t seem it, because of how I seem. I am the girl who dreamt of being a catwalk model since she was 5 years old, yet never achieved that official due to height restrictions. I used to put on pretend fashion shows in my mum’s back yard, as well as practice a straight catwalk along the garden path. So pageantry feels like a natural fit. Or so you would think.

However, courtesy of my mind, after every single pageant I compete in, no matter the outcome. Not how hard I worked in the run up to the pageant finals. I also do not control it, because I am always so proud of my personal pageant journey, and all I achieve as a finalist. I am also way too happy for my fellow sisters who competed too. I follow all journeys and get so proud of everyone! So it really upsets me when people think my post pageant breakdowns, are rude or bad sportsmanship. I can assure you it’s not.

During the breakdown, it’s a cycle of thoughts including:

• Wasn’t good enough, you may of improved but you did not improve enough.
• Never going to be good enough, imposter syndrome.
• Only awarded in a pity way.
• Feeling sorry, for not seemingly to improve enough, more pity.

That on a cycle going around and around is not easy to handle. Hence why 9 times out of 10, I retreat to my safe space, and look after myself first. It’s never because of jealousy or being a sore loser. It’s preserving myself. It’s not a fun battle to have, and a hard one with the pressure of people thinking it’s bad sportsmanship. It’s very hard to get out of but also sadly a very public one.

Ending on a positive note, as I continue to navigate this battle, it will make finally prevailing because of my improvements and hard work, all the more worth it.

‘Your Dream is Achievable’

~RebeccaKLxo

Obtainable Goals: A Life Update.

I know I’ve been very quiet. Though I’ve missed making my blogging content. However with good reason. Although I do not think I have talked about my future career goals on here, except maybe I’ve spoken about trying to build the blog more full time.

However, I know with the thousands of blogs and content creators out there, it’s a big ‘dog eat dog’ world, I guess that’s what the saying is. I would be so worried that I loose the enjoyment I have writing my blogs which are personal to me, a woman who’s a mother, managing with anxiety, just navigating this crazy crazy world.

I do have, what I like to call professional goals. This is my career based goals. When I was younger, about 8 years old, I used to want to be a Marine Biologist. I was fascinated by the ocean and it’s variety of ocean creatures, often writing mini information essays about said creatures or copying encyclopaedia passages out, over an over. Reminiscing on this memory, as an adult makes me realise one thing. The biggest flaw in this past goal was that I cannot swim. I was never taught how, and i have such a fear of water being in my eyes, that I can’t even handle goggles because I’m still anxious the water will get in. Learning how to is one of my adult goals now, however I can’t find any adult classes, so I fear the boat is out on that one.

I have spoken about this on my Instagram account. I feel the best use of my skills and interests, as well as personal reasons driving me to achieve my dream career as a forensic psychologist. This really would be the second most rewarding part of my life, after being a mother. Upon realising this goal, I identified and broke down my goal into achievable steps. Steps towards my goal.

• Obtain my Access to HE certificate qualification, to enable me to get a place on my dream career.
• Get place on my dream undergrad degree, Forensic Psychology.
• Get a place on a relevant further training and experience.
• Become a qualified/trained forensic psychologist.

2020 I went back to college to obtain my Access to HE certificate in humanities. I studied sociology, politics and international relations and psychology. This reignited my interest in psychology. I passed and completed my certificate, and gained a place on my dream university course, a BA in Forensic Psychology with a placement year. A great opportunity to utilize and gain professional experience.

http://www.twitter.com/rebeccaklxo

Cut to today, where I am actively preparing for this next chapter of my life. Spurred on by the motivation I get from my son, who I do this for. In the aim to give him a better life. I hope to evolve my blog as I go through this big journey in my life, which I am the most proudest I am of me. For more regular updates you can follow my instagram: rebeccaklxo

I thank my readers for hanging in there and following my personal story via my blog.

~RebeccaKLxo

A little Serial… 🖤

A Collaboration with Photowall.

As for many of us in the UK, head into a third lockdown. Being stuck inside at home, could be a chance to re-evaluate our home style, maybe even redecorate a little. Could you be looking for a pop of colour, a nature scene, or maybe looking for a statement wall for your children’s bedroom.

Luckily for you, Swedish company photowall have something for everyone. All amazing quality and price too. Plus a speedy delivery, I received my package within a few days. Although I know I ordered a hanging print.

As a horror fan, I took this opportunity to order a horror print. My all time favourite horror film, will always be the Texas chainsaw massacre.

Leather Face 🖤

I had the time of my life when my parcel was delivered. It was big. Almost my big K2SO Star Wars poster (from the cinema) big. I ordered 100cm x 140cm leather face print. On paper I didn’t think this was going to be that big.

Sizing up the job 😆

It came essentially flat packed, but included everything needed to hang it. Even the small detail of a nail. The instructions were clear and concise, certainly easy to follow. I found the most time consuming activity was threading the hanging thread onto the wooden top frame. That was one fiddly job. But it looks so good, I’m beyond happy with it!

Instructions 👍

I hung it in the hallway, to get an idea of it hanging, and the size. I hugely overestimated the size. It is now safely stored ready for when I move into my own place, so I can display it then with pride.

Hallway Hanging… 😅

If you like what you see, I encourage you to see their site link for yourself. And pick yourself up a cheeky little lockdown bargain. It’ll brighten your day!

If this inspires you to do a little injection of updating your home. I would love to see your purchases. Tag me on social media, @rebeccaklxo on Twitter and insta. With hashtag #rebeccaklxoxphotowall

I can’t wait to see your posts. Thank you for supporting and reading this post.

~RebeccaKLxo

Parting ways.

It’s very much like the saying ‘Always a bridesmaid, never the bride’ or being a fly on the wall.

A community that’s very much just way too cliquey. Certainly very ripe with favouritism.

I always push through all the negative mental health after every competition. Always feeling confident, despite the barrage of not good enough, not confident enough, not flattering for myself at all. No one likes you.

It’s always a constant battle, and one I’m losing at that. I’m done making myself feel shit, trying to pursue something I thought I was good at. It’s also one that I do not wish upon my son, or possible future children.

I don’t know why I do it to myself, but I will be fixing that. As rewarding it is to help charities, it’s also hard when you work so hard, and it’s never recognised. At all, it’s truly soul crushing.

That being said, my son will be keeping one pageant commitment until it’s over then after that, we’re both retiring.

Looking forward it’s all about my education and educational goals.

~RebeccaKLxo

Kanturo Eyewear: Product Review

Last Christmas I treated myself to a pair of glasses from Kanturo Eyewear. After seeing all the positivity surrounding this company on social media. This company specialising in blocking blue light rays. These are a surprisingly important buy, in today’s technology driven culture.

Kanturo Glasses 🤓

Blue light from device screens, is what can cause eye strain and migraines.

Past designs for blue light blocking glasses, were over cumbersome with thick coloured glass often yellow.

These are stylish, and I most say work. I wear them every evening during my wind down period. And I have noticed a significant difference in migraines, from screen time.

Check out their styles, at reasonable prices on their site.

~RebeccaKLxo

Post Lockdown Pamper.

Straight out the gate, I went down to Virtue Hair and Beauty. As their first customer, post COVID lock down. A local run business in Bristol. Recently moved into a beautiful very instagram picture worthy unit. I will be back in the future, when I’m able too.

They’ve implemented many safe practices, working in such an uncertain time. Full PPE, masks, distance and cleaning regularly is all in effect. I went to get my hair trimmed, for the first time in half a year, and get an undercut put in. A hairstyle I’ve wanted for years, but never got a chance to get.

Polite, friendly and talkative, very much makes you feel at home, while being pampered. I had a whole cut, shaved, washed, blow dried and straightened. I absolutely loved it. And although the pattern is now outgrown in my hair so quickly, if I ever want it again, I’ll be back.

Visit their insta and website. Show them some support in this time. I completely recommend them! Just see how good my hair looks.

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How amazing does my hair look after?

~RebeccaKLxo