I challenge you to read on, and find the common feature of these photos.
As a part of my journey in pageantry with Miss Mystic Beauty, my platform is suicide awareness and prevention. Because being able to #breakthestigma and just maybe inspire or help someone, just makes it worth while sharing my story.
I have shared a collection of pictures here, of myself. Through my teen years. I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts, even to this day. And I’ve opened up about that in a video on my page, during my challenge suicide perception campaign. But what makes these photos special in a different kind of way is. They were all taken on a day where suicide was attempted. 4 different times, 4 different days. 4 brutal attempts as a result of being bullied.
Would you have known that simply looking at these photos, of course not.
Ending this story on a positive note, if 15/16 year old me had of been successful, I wouldn’t be able to drive, I wouldn’t be a parent, I wouldn’t have a love of pageantry and my platform. I wouldn’t of got to be a bridesmaid for the first time. I wouldn’t have my little flat I call home. I wouldn’t have my blog. I wouldn’t now be studying for my dream career.
Point is, no matter how truly difficult it may feel or seem. Opening up, even to a stranger really does make the difference. And my inboxes are always open.💚
I have been exploring my creative side. As an individual who loves her prints. And I mean loves my prints. I have at least a print or two in every room of my home. I really do love it. I have a Friday Night Dinner inspired print in my kitchen. A variety of blog related and motivational quotes around my lounge and bedroom. A relaxing reminder print in my bathroom. I also have a unique piece of pop punk band art print framed also.
So I figured why not create my own, and hopefully share them with the world. Under the store name, Victoria by Rebecca. In homage to my amazing mother. Specialising in digital prints, which I feel is great for immediate ownership, and flexibility in printing however the buyer likes.
I have launched with 4 prints to begin with. Two special ones inspired by the #bekind movement. A motivational education inspired print. Also a cityscape print which I took while on holiday in New York City. These are limited and available now on the etsy store. Please do check them out. and tag #victoriabyrebecca when sharing them about. I hope as I grow you will enjoy more of these designs.
For the ones available, the Be Kind to Your Mind print will include a £5 donation to my chosen charity, Samaritans. This is one of the charities I am fundraising for as Ms Bristol, mystic beauty finalist 2022.
As I have spent 2021, learning a hell of a lot about body confidence and positivity. And I am much more happier in my body, I’ve chosen to make one of my 2022 goals to build a specific style/fashion blog. Hoping to inspire others to enjoy life and style, no matter your body. My journey has been a rollercoaster but given my most recent photo, I’ve shared below, I am so much happier. (PS, yes that’s my cardboard cutout of Jon Hamm in the background).
I will also be of course continuing to build this lifestyle blog. And hoping for a lot more regular posts and check ins, however I have no idea where 2022 is going to take me. Because the first few mo this will continue to be tough, I have not set any New Years resolutions. However I have a few goals in my head I hope to achieve this coming year. (I’ll put these in a separate post for the new year).
I still cannot believe that I have absolutely smashed my Instagram goal for 2021, literally on Christmas Eve Eve. And I could not be happier about hitting the nano influencer level of Instagram.
Now I only noticed in the last week that I was 15 followers off of 1K so I thought it would be amazing to end the year at 1K. Especially as January 2022, I would have had my Instagram account for 10 years! I opened my account back when the platform was still a baby. And I was 17 years old. My very first post was of socks.
Now you maybe thinking we’ll that’s almost 10 years to get 1K followers. However I have never bought any followers ever. I have so much pride in having an organic following. I have a broad but niche account, which I very much pride myself on.
Now I use Instagram as my main link to this blog! I love it, the image and visual content you can create and share. It’s something that’s both personal and visually appealing.
I am not sure what my 2022 insta goal will be, I’ll likely aim for 1.5K by 2023. But I am in no hurry, I will enjoy this accomplishment in all its glory. You can follow me there via this link. To also watch me grow firsthand! Join me as I use 2022 to grow personally, and professionally witch my content creating and blogging!
The last 6 years I’ve had a very love hate relationship with my body. Before getting in a long term relationship I was a size 8, enjoying amateur modelling. Now I am a size 18/20 mum, who is learning to love herself, and be body confidence. Although I’m a long way of returning to modelling. I’m enjoying learning style over size. And how to be happy.
Mostly through self care, I’ve made small changes to my diet, a little introduction to exercise though this is a big struggle with anxiety. Due to my huge educational career goals, I’ve learnt how to manage stress, and plan my time, to have both productive and rest days. I’m very much guilty of enjoying a glass of gin and lemonade the odd evening.
Finding plus size friendly brands is a struggle. Finding clothes that fit me, or I feel are flattering is so difficult for me. As I’m very self conscious of my tummy. I feel like everything I wear shows it up in a bad light. But I am learning more about my style everyday, especially to be more confident in my size by dressing appropriately for my hourglass figure.
A big help to me learning my style, is using a service called Stitch Fix. It’s a subscription service, with access to stylists. For a small fee per box, and a quick profile made, a variety of different stylists takes your clothing sizes and style profile and send you a curated box of fashion to try. What you like you buy and keep, and what you don’t like, you send back, free of charge. Whichever item you choose to buy, the £10 styling fee is discounted off what you buy. Also if you love entire box, you get a 20% buy all discount. A great thing about this, is you can schedule fixes when you want them.
I personally go for one every 3 months, in line with seasonal changes. But you could have it monthly if you prefer. They go up to a dress size 18. I enjoy getting my box, and highly recommend giving them a go. Click here to give it a go. They have men’s fashion as well. As well as a US version too, for my American readers. This is in no way an ad, just a genuine recommendation.
I’ve also started to unfollow certain accounts, only following accounts of a similar body type to me, or accounts that I positively enjoy following. Filling your feed with images you enjoy will boost your self happiness. Aid in learning that you can be stylish and positive about your personal style. Seeing body types I feel are similar to mine, in trendy and stylish clothing, helps improve my mindset.
I have subscribed to some fitness channels, to hopefully improve my levels and also help reduce anxiety, build confidence. This will be an ongoing challenge through 2022, but I am ready for it.
I also hope with these changes, and an improvement in my mindset and discipline, I can use my Instagram to put forward a more confident improved version of myself. I have also attended a Ms Curvaceous workshop, which is all about promoting body positivity and confidence. It was amazing to be in a room with people in the same position as myself, and a great chance to network, even though with me being very shy, was a challenge too.
I have given birth to a new blog adventure too! More details will be on one of the 2 posts due to drop on NEW YEARS EVE! But a hint, Chasing Becky.
My first holiday, travel blog post. I do hope you enjoy this post (especially as it will be a hugely wordy post), the first of many, I hope. I decided upon seeing a great travel deal to book a family holiday to the United States, more specifically the city that never sleeps, New York city.
Although initially it was a bit of a faff, with all the Covid restrictions especially around testing before and after flights. Requiring a fit to fly test which is costly if not planned for. We eventually made it, and it was an experience navigating Heathrow airport, when it was so busy, as a group of first timers. Of course we successfully managed to check in, receive our boarding passes and navigate security. We flew with British Airways, which was a satisfactory experience, especially with complimentary food and drink, including a mini bar.
Upon touching down in JFK Airport, we managed to navigate a surprisingly friendly border and customs officers. We initially thought about getting the public transport to our hotel, yet we arrived in the city, at 6:30pm. So we got cash out, and was shown to a reputable classic NY yellow taxi cab stand. After a long and quite dangerous 25 min drive, we arrived at our hotel, The Carvi Hotel. The front desk and check in went smoothly, and we was quickly shown to our ensuite room, on the 7th floor, which also housed the entrance to the rooftop terrace. The hotel overall was very small, with no bar, or kitchen, yet the location in Manhattan was very well placed. I also very much enjoyed just sitting out on the terrace, during the evenings, and seeing the lights, the city noises and also feeling quite small, surrounded by the skyscrapers, even being on the 7th storey level.
Although we planned our 3 full days in NYC before we left, Of course nothing of the planned happened exactly how we wanted it too. We walked from our hotel, down to Grand Central station, so we could purchase our metro cards, and also see the beautiful station. It was also a weird experience as a English family, seeing US army men, patrolling with guns on show, as well as when we was out and about seeing NYPD officers. To be clear, we know of the gun laws, and that it’s legal, but of course being from a different country, it was an experience for us.
The first full day, we spent exploring the city from 6:30am – 7pm. We did a tour bus around Manhattan, we visited times square, escape virtuality, grand central, Bryant park, to name a few. We also popped in McDonald’s, Starbucks and a CVS pharmacy. Our first taster of virtual reality was super fun, and the staff were great and friendly. All I want to do know is buy an Oculus Rift. (One Day I Hope). It must be known though, that it’s a very New York thing to not have many if any public restrooms. The only ones we found was at Bryant park, and in Madame Tussauds. Aside from that we made our way back to the hotel. I also embarked on a lone boat trip, to get a little closer to the statue of liberty, while my mum and brother waited on shore, by the pier for myself to return, with slightly better pictures of the statue.
A big part of this trip was to also finally visit the 9/11 memorial and museum. It is still hard for me to word it, and I was asked like ‘why would I bother visiting?’ or ‘It didn’t affect you’. But I remember being 7 years old, watching the attack on the tv. I remember it, and the subsequent law changes to many countries, to help prevent further terror attacks, affected many countries. It was just important for me personally to go and pay my respects.
I am also a huge impractical jokers fan, and although we didn’t manage to go on the Staten island ferry, we did go around a few places they have filmed in the past seasons, which did make me happy. Now jokers is a tv show, I will watch on repeat, it always cheers me up, and makes me laugh even after numerous viewings.
I also got to bring along one of my fave designs in my suitcase, so it got a little tour around NYC too. I enjoyed modelling it on the hotel roof terrace, and you too could purchase one from the online store: www.rebeccaklxo.teemill.com
We also found the subway system, surprisingly easy to navigate, unlike the London Underground tube station. I honestly don’t know how, maybe cause the lines are like separate and there is a few station cross overs, but not as many line crossovers as in London. I also had so much joy when I finally found a subway cart to ourselves, for a few stops, until it got very busy.
Overall it is a very lovely city, and way too much to do to fit in a 3 day holiday. I will of course return again in the future. Even after my most frustrating experience trying to get cash out at an ATM machine. So I recommend just taking cash and not using a currency card.
If you enjoyed this let me know, and any other travel suggestions in the comments. Of course now the travel bug has bit me, and I can’t wait for future adventures with my family. I’ve included a few images here, but you can view most my content via my Instagram link.
It’s been 2 weeks, but I need this for closure on my personal level. Nearly 8 years clearly meant nothing to you, but for me, I am grieving the love and life I thought I had. As a girl who never wanted to be a single mother ever, has ironically ended up in this situation. But to use our son as a scapegoat for your actions and behaviour is horrendous.
Yes I had a dating profile, we met on a dating profile for gods sake, and once we became official, I did not think lets log in to delete my account. I just deleted the apps etc. I never logged in, until I was that mentally broken down and lonely in the relationship that I was just looking for talk and speech, nothing else, to feel not as alone. A girl shouldn’t feel like that in a relationship. The difference is intent, I never intended to meet, sleep with or have any romantic relationships. To which I never did, but I very much believe you intended to out of spite. Or Just cause you didn’t want to tell me, you didn’t love me anymore.
It’s worse that you knew, for at least over 2 years. But you never said! If this happened earlier I would not be as heartbroken. Of course I am going to be heartbroken, I was planning on hopefully being a full family, I wanted it all, relationship, baby, engagement, wedding, house, grow old. When we walked around, and was talking about why I wanted to study so we can work on getting a house. When we attended the wedding 2 months ago, and i was talking about our wedding, you agreed, and I thought we was on the same page. Little did I know, you had already moved on to the next girl.
I didn’t want to break up, I just got to breaking point, being so very lonely in our relationship, I just wanted our dates back, and to go back to where we was in love. I told you this, but you wanted to be single. To be honest seeing your lack of complete emotion, like a sociopath, really shows me how much I meant.
That’s just me, a girl with a big heart, that seems to always fall for the dicks in shining armour. Like what is so wrong for wanted to be like so crazy in love, with a partner who genuinely values you, and helps complete my home, with my son. A girl can dream though right.
I know the ex won’t read this, though he has a paper version, so it’s off my chest. But also I hope this serves as a reminder, that no matter how hard, or how dark the storm is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Do not settle for a dick, find your prince charming.
While I was away in NY, Jackson had a special little delivery. This year, as he is now 4 years old, he is very much all in the Christmas spirit. Which is ironic since the home at the moment is pretty bah humbug, for personal reasons.
So this little parcel came, brightened Jackson’s day! Jackson was so pleased to receive a Christmas is coming letter from Santa!. Which included a cute activity pack too, which Jackson has absolutely loved doing with me. Including making wish baubles, and a letter writing prompt to mail back to Santa. A great addition was a pack of reindeer food, which has been added into Jackson’s Christmas Eve box.
The coolest thing about this, is that the service is totally customisable, and personalized to each individual child. And for a limited time, you could receive an early bird offer, which includes the same activity pack that we received.
We are beyond pleased with the quality and attention detail. And fully highly recommend adding this into your own festivities, especially if you have children!
It’s not been a good month, and Christmas will be very shit, however hopefully coming to the New Year will be much better. A girl can hope, but after at least 4 years of being extremely unhappy, and never taken seriously. There is a breaking point.
It’s even scarier the thought of restarting over, and my god will it be at least years before I’m ready for anything else. My main priority is my son. Especially since I now have to give up my dream career, because I just cannot focus on it.
The lack of care, has really gotten to me though, but shows right decision I have ever made.
At what point do you stop crying yourself to sleep? Also when’s appropriate to get rid of all photos? Asking for a friend?
“Maybe you have to know the darkness, before you appreciate the light.”
Just a little update, so all future posts may be a little later.
These posts include: NYC and Lapland Letters.
Thank you for reading my blog, and for following. Don’t forget to check out my blog merch and support me by visiting www.rebeccaklxo.teemill.com